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They say that admitting the problem is the first step to licking it, or something like that, so step forward and let us know what you'd like to fix, and maybe a little about how you think you ended up with the problem in the first place.
Go ahead and step up to the mic!
Go ahead and step up to the mic!
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SF Bay Area
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Re: Where to begin...
Thu, June 24, 2004 - 2:18 PMSince I can't really expect anyone else to do anything that I'm not going to do myself, I'll go ahead and start.
My name's Dan, and I'm a pervert... At least in theory.
I'm huge on the psycholical and imaginitive aspects of some of the more kinky things out there (2 seconds reading my tribe list shows that), but most of my knowledge remains theoretical, as I have rarely actively persued relationships in which to explore most of it. While the brain is more than willing, the libido is often taking a nap, so much of it remains mentally based. I know at times I'm as horny as the next guy, but other times I would rather just read a book or watch a movie.
Someties though I have a dream of walking into a room and having the girls stop and watch, of leaving again and having the small gaggles speculate and plot to get my attention, of becoming the creature of seduction every man wants to be. Hey, I did say it was a dream...
I'm also a reformed "Nice Guy" and enjoying exploring the differences between being "nice" and "good."
AND, in the interests of disclosure (I can't expect anyone else to if I don't), I've also been diagnosed in the past with clinical depression as well as some anxiety, both of which I'm sure contribute to my repression, as well as side effects from medication. -
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Re: Where to begin...
Sat, June 26, 2004 - 2:11 PMlol, ok im not laughing at you, im laughing at the fact that i can see myself relating to you. therefore ive joined your lovely tribe...see ya around
kaci
ps, yep im clinically depressed too -
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Re: Where to begin...
Tue, June 29, 2004 - 5:08 PMSee, at least two of us are strong enough to admit it!
The more I've thought about it the more I've never quite been able to figure out how much of my own is from depressive issues, and how much might just be a general lack of libido. Of course a few of the people I hang around with are the most sex-driven people I've ever known, so it can be difficult to gage what "normal" should be when around them. -
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Re: Where to begin...
Tue, June 29, 2004 - 8:23 PMHi Dan,
So I got drawn in... you named my game. I'm not sure what its all about either. Depressive and anxious definitely account for some of it. Truth be told, though -- I think I use these primarily as excuses not to exert my sexual nature. 'Cause when I do, I almost always get what I want. And then have a certain disappointment with the achievement. Maybe its because I've been to the mountain and know what you can see from its peak. Sometimes you end up with a day tripper who's happy with the first valley they visit. I'm not good at showing them the path to the top without coming off as some arrogant pedagogue. Just relax... do this... trust me, if you wait, you'll be happy... In many ways its like sushi. I'd rather not have it than have some that's mediocre. And there aren't many places to get great sushi.
Inevitably, this closes me off to experiences that I decide won't be exciting, but perhaps its just a closed mind choosing its experiences.
I also run with the sexually liberated and will never again be invited to one of their parties, I'm sure. I don't assume judgement, but I'm also not interested in getting sex at the swap meet. If someone approaches me with sincerity and intelligence, I'm not adverse to going there without commitment or promises, I just don't like the old grope and fuck. I guess I want an intellectual connection, because so much of my reality is in my thought process. I'm the quiet guy in the corner, enjoying his proximity to chaos, but not engaging it head on.
I was hoping a little free-association would lead me to an answer, but as usual -- no dice. Maybe someone else can see something I can't...
Thanks for the tribe, though. Perhaps we'll find a way to sate the desire without becoming what we fear...
cable
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Re: Where to begin...
Wed, June 30, 2004 - 6:14 PMGoodness, I think I FINALLY found the tribe for me... :)
Ditto on the major clinical depression, and having a bad day... :/ -
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Re: Where to begin...
Tue, July 20, 2004 - 8:22 AMi think what might be my problem is the medication i take for my depression, zoloft. the doctor wanred me about sexual side affects, but not to this extent!!! -
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Re: Where to begin...
Tue, July 20, 2004 - 8:24 AMoh and not to throw out my tribe, but ive started a tribe called I EAT CARBS, a tribe for people who find it hilarious to watch people cut carbs, eat bacon grease, starve themselves, or drink absolutely disgusting diet sodas...please join if you feel the same way and can proudly say I EAT CARBS!!
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Re: Where to begin...
Tue, July 20, 2004 - 6:18 PMI've had some of the same issue with Effexor, but even when completely hornin' I still hold a lot back.
Why damnit! Why!!!! -
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Re: Where to begin...
Wed, July 21, 2004 - 7:09 AMi dunno, maybe do you feel...unadequate *shrugs?* maybe you havent found someone that you just wanna rip their clothes off and take the right there right then?
my issue is, that ill be soo ready for it, but then the guy, just, gives my this weird feeling and its like...uhh gotta go. its like i feel guilty for being horny and wanting to have sex, but then i feel guilty leaving as well...sigh.. -
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Re: Where to begin...
Wed, July 21, 2004 - 7:24 AM"my issue is, that ill be soo ready for it, but then the guy, just, gives my this weird feeling and its like...uhh gotta go. its like i feel guilty for being horny and wanting to have sex, but then i feel guilty leaving as well...sigh.. "
That may just be your Spidey Sense tingling tell you of danger. There's nothing wrong with listening your intuition. Besides, if you went ahead that dread would just get worse.
Just an opinion...
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Re: Where to begin...
Wed, July 21, 2004 - 7:34 AM
Wow, Dan, I didn't know we had this in common.
I've suffered from depression all my life. Course, I've had a lot to be depressed about. I was also interested in exploring the stranger side of sexuality. But when it came down to actually doing it, I shied away.
I've been to Power Exchange and full-on orgies (as in an entire house full of nekkid people) and all sorts of "depraved" events. The thing I always discovered is they never live up to the reputation that they've acquired. It all sounds good to go to an orgy, but the truth is there is a lot of scary people out there, there's a lot of scary diseases out there and that many sweaty bodies in a small space makes a foul smell.
Or maybe I just don't trust any stranger who would fuck *me* on first sight. Kind of like Groucho Marx and the Country Club. To some that might be just low self-esteem, but for me it's just reality.
Thing is, now that I'm in a loving relationship, all that kinky stuff has really lost it's appeal.
As far as depression goes, I was on anti-depressants a long time ago, but I used them simply to figure what was making me depressed and removed it from my life. I still get down, but I know how to fight it now.
Ciao,
Bubba
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Re: Where to begin...
Thu, September 16, 2004 - 12:23 PMMy complaint is my marriage -- my wife has been asexual since the birth of our child three years ago and it has left me extremely frustrated. Any suggestions on how to deal with her feelings and mine? -
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Re: Where to begin...
Fri, September 17, 2004 - 12:15 AMI suppose this is the obvious answer and you have, but have you talked about it with her?
I've heard of it happening before, so maybe one of the women of the group can shed some light on the childbirth question as well. -
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Re: Where to begin...
Wed, September 22, 2004 - 2:21 PMoh yeah, we've talked. and talked. and talked. we've seen seen counselors.
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